All I Wanted – A Tale of 7 WTFs …..

I’m a simple man (no, not a simpleton. There is a difference, despite what commercials would have you believe). It doesn’t take a lot to keep me happy. But, Dear Universe, at least make an Effort (I promised not to use the EFF-WORD this time).

Yesterday  my wife and I went out for our 20th anniversary. No, not on a cruise, not to Paris for dinner (I’m a writer with a day job, not an author). First stop, T-Mobile to get a new cell phone. My little Nokia has been great for the better part of the last decade, but several keys don’t work very well and one of them is in my home number (yes, the speed dial number). It was time.

We were informed that it had been 89 months since our last upgrade. Months? You mean over seven years? (It’s like parents who tell you their kids age in months and you have the do the freaking math to figure out how old he/she is). Guess we were due. My wife complained that I was getting a new phone, but we share it. I just use most of the time. I digress, as usual. Oh, by the way, if you have something to do, better get it done and come back, this is going to take a while.

So, we’re at T-Mobile and I’m looking at phones with a keyboard as I have started sending a lot more text messages and pushing those little buttons three times to write a “C” is getting old (that’s why they don’t work anymore). Cheapest option was $39.00. All I wanted was a phone with a keyboard, ok, forty bucks isn’t too bad.  Nice Mr. Clerk takes the SIM card out of my old phone (no, not the computer game) and puts it in my new phone. I can do this. It takes literally thirty or forty seconds. Phone upgrade charge: $18.00  WTF#1? That comes out to $27 a minute or $1620 an hour. Holy Rip Off, Batman. And no, they won’t spot you the eighteen bucks if you move the chip yourself. So my upgraded, thirty-nine dollar phone came to just shy of seventy bucks after they added sales tax (not T-Mobile’s fault, that is another rant altogether). Another BTW, that does NOT include a car charger or USB cable to download your pics from the phone to your computer. *sigh* Folks, I haven’t even gotten to the punch line yet. An hour and half later, I received two text messages from friends and when I went to return them, my phone said “Service not supported” or some such phrase. WTF#2? I have unlimited text…. Ok, back to T-Mobile at 7:02… to find the doors locked. 7:00? on Saturday? WTF#3? Fortunately, nice Mr. Clerk recognized me and let me in.  Apparently, my SIM card was bad. It was changed, the phone worked and this part of the story has a  happy ending.

We decided to got to El Torito for dinner. There is a new one near our house and it’s one one of my wife’s three favorite places to eat (No, I did not encourage her because it is the cheapest of the three). Service, excellent. Music in the bar, horrible. WTF#4 Techno/house/rapcrap that made my filling rattle (really, only one). No, they do not have a dance floor. I am old and white, and even the ex-DJ in me could not stand it. We asked to be moved to the dining room and they were very good about doing so. Our waitress was great and never missed a beat. All I wanted was to enjoy dinner with my wife…..

I order a cranberry/pineapple juice. I don’t drink alcohol (no, I don’t go to meetings, I developed an allergy to it) and the drink was brought forthwith (that means right away). All I wanted was a drink. The straw in the glass was exactly as long as the glass was tall, meaning that there was no way to get my mouth on it. Really? WTF#5? I pointed this out to our waitress and she immediately hooked me up with a longer straw. Much longer. Like I said, she was great. All I wanted was a drink of juice, maybe several.

We went and saw “The Rise of the Planet of the Apes”. Good movie, but WTF#6? Commercials? Holy Marketing Crap, Batman! And BTW, to the powers that be, the commercial with the break dancing hamsters and fighting robots? Bite me… stupid doesn’t even scratch the surface. Oh, yeah, it was from KIA if I’m not mistaken. Teenagers don’t buy KIAs, so why does your commercial have their crappy music in it? All I wanted was to enjoy a movie with my wife. We did get to see four trailers, which I enjoy, and they all looked to be promising movies, but the hamsters still bugged me.

Last stop, I promise. Krispy Kreme donuts is in the same mall as the theater. Open 24 hours. My wife’s fave, raspberry filled glazed donut. All she wanted ….. you get the picture. WTF#7? A little FYI to Krispy Kreme… YOU SELL FREAKING DONUTS! IF YOU RUN OUT OF ALMOST EVERY FREAKING KIND OF DONUT, CUSTOMERS ARE NOT HAPPY! ARE YOU LISTENING? Holy Crappy Customer Service, Batman! We had to wait in line while every person in front of us rearranged their order to fit whatever lame selection was left. It’s Saturday, you know people buy donuts…. MAKE SOME MORE! And no, I’m NOT driving around for forty-five minutes to wait while you do it. PLAN AHEAD! They should teach this at Krispy Kreme Kollege, but apparently not. Sorry, this part does not have a happy ending. Wifey had to settle for a chocolate bar, which is a far cry from a raspberry filled glazed donut. Now I’m torn between making her happy and getting some this morning (giving lame KK more of my money) and boycotting them altogether. I don’t like their donuts. But my wife does. And she has been married to me for twenty years. We’ll see. Her tastes (in men) are obviously simple , so I probably shouldn’t complain. Too late. 1018 words later.

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